Dear Rapists and Apologists,

My daughter Asha asked me, "Daddy what is #MeToo about?" I told her that #MeToo is a movement to draw awareness towards sexual assault, sexual harassment and rape of people- specifically but not limited to women. I told her that men and women get raped everyday. I told her that men and women assault others everyday. I told her that #MeToo is primarily an effort to draw attention to the ugly #RapeCulture that is driving music, movies, and society. I told Asha, that the #MeToo movement is not just a pretty hashtag but a request started by an African-American woman (who started the movement) as a direct statement to oust rape culture and the supporting apologists that contribute to rape and assault. I told her that 1 out of 4 of her friends will most likely be raped or assaulted in their lifetime. I told her that there is often a sense of shame for rape victims to come forward because of people do not believe them and treat them as suspects and not victims before doing due research or investigation. I told her people will slut shame, grab, molest, unwanted caress, and forcibly violate bodies because they dress a certain way. I told her that men specifically have a duty to protect all women and all beings on this earth. I told her that action of protection is different from a man being controlling. I told her love is not sexist or gender assumptions.  I told her that we have to teach men and people NOT TO RAPE; instead of promoting, misogynistic theorems on how woman and people SHOULD not be raped.  

I told her that I pray for her each day and night that she is not 1 of the 4. I told her this is why I taught you how to throw a jab, a straight, and a groin kick. I told her this is why I taught you how to escape rope.  I told Asha, this is why I bought her mace and will buy her a gun when she is legal to carry. I told her that I wish I didn't have, too. I told her that I don't want her to ever have to post #MeToo. I told her to question why so many young ladies of all ages can see the all Victims but never any of the Offenders posting messages!

I told her #MeToo should make men want to post that they understand. More men should post in support but that a lot of men have embraced unapologetically a culture of indulging in this American misogynistic, euro-centric patriarchy of a society that would rather excuse the actions of rapist as: young males under hormones, or accidents, or too close to call. Some men would rather have it excused as funny jokes and memes, or as statements by rappers for how women should get signed- i.e. Rick Ross (Rape culture-type statements that we endorse by buying his music.)  But where are my brothers? I know that it is a fine line. We don't want to detract from the movement by posting #MeToo as well. I have seen a few women angry at those that do. The triggers are strong and the overwhelming silence of our men is disheartening and only enforces that our women are not protected but hunted.

I sincerely don't want women or female gender identifying to feel as if I am taking light the movement by posting #MeToo. Even though, I know a few men that were raped well outside of prison walls in communities that we call ours. I once had a student call me. When I visited him at his home after the call there were police cars and officers supporting him as they carried his body in. He sat silently on the edge of  his front porch. He told me of how three grown men beat, robbed, then raped him finally sodomized him with a broom handle. I asked him why he called me first instead of his family? He said they were going to ask him to pray for healing. He said that I would know how to press charges, go to police, speak out, and take action. He said that he will pray later but he needed to "Do" now. So I know that #MeToo is about men, also. 

I also know that #BeardGameMatters illustrates how a double standard does exist where women can make crude, sexually aggressive statements, and promote similar culture. I have also have seen in clubs where women grab handfuls of mens private or how Kevin Gates assaulted a woman after she grabbed his genitalia. This example of Kevin Gates is inflammatory- I know...because a man should not kick a woman but it is a high profile case that illustrates clearly that men are sexually assaulted and harassed as well.

We laugh it off. We joke at the unwanted grabs. We poke fun at each others hurt. We allow others to violate safe spaces and out others. We throw around jokes of ugly words identifying things or actions as: gay, bitch, nigger, or rape. Take it. Take whatever, however and be grateful. Well, how? How do we stand so grateful of a society that promotes rape culture and rewards rapists. I ask my men who stand by our ladies to love them, protect them, offer an ear and listen to their truths and stories without judgement so you can see how to help repair the damage. I challenge each man that reads this to use the hashtag #RealMenAsk. Or create your own to show that we are listening and more than listening that we are willing to join in the fight against rape culture. 

This blog is for my daughter. If ever- Then I will believe and fight for you because a Real Man should Ask: What have you been through? How can I love you? How can I be love to you? Can I be with you? They should understand your answers and listen and stop if there is ever a "No." So Asha, this blog is for you...thank-you for questioning your father and helping me be accountable to this community. Gentleman- #RealMenAsk what are you willing to do to protect our community? Ask or will you stay silent and assume?
​
Sincerely,
Urban Thoughts

#RealMenASK

​“Black men struggle with masculinity so much. The idea that we must always be strong really presses us all down - it keeps us from growing.” -Donald Glover
 
Dear Black Men,
 
         Donald Glover once wrote that, “Black men struggle with masculinity so much. The idea that we must always be strong really presses us all down - it keeps us from growing.” This quote played in my head when “Moonlight” won the Oscar. Too often in a black males life our masculinity has been defined by being “not gay.” Don’t play with Barbie dolls, cook food in the kitchen, clean just enough to be-clean, and the most damaging “Don’t Cry- Man Up.” As if men are incapable of crying, we were supposed to never shed a tear. I cried at Moonlight. It is a magnificent film of conflict, triumph, self-discovery, blackness, and masculinity.
In the African-American community we often struggle with being accepted and having equal rights yet we chastise and ostracize African-American homosexual males while glorifying homosexual females. The thoughts of a threesome with girls that love girls has become a sensational media image in television, radio, and movies that we consume. Simultaneously we continue to create running jokes of ‘that’s gay.” As if being Gay was some type of weakness or some type of kryptonite that if black males were around it too long we would instaneously die.

      I’ve always thought of myself as an open-minded individual. I’ve always considered myself masculine and heterosexual; however, during Moonlight my own biases came forward. I had gone with a thought that it was a coming-to-age story of a young boy turned drug dealer turned man. As the story progressed, I found myself uncomfortable. I started to realize that my own biasness were coming out and I wanted to get up and walk out. This was “Gay” and the societal image of I am a straight man-I can’t be in here watching this came up. It smelled like acidic vomit the stench of my hypocrisy that I teach kids everyday to love each other, respect each other, and to accept others differences. Now when the teacher is tested, I was failing. I sat down. I rooted myself to finish the movie to become what I wish of my students courageous in the face of adversity.

     The acting and storyline kept me there wanting to understand why I was so bothered. As the movie progressed, I found myself in a battle of sympathy versus empathy. As a heterosexual black male, I could sympathize with the struggle of identity and being physically assaulted. I was jumped once in a rival school after a game. The feelings of anger, vengeance, fear and vulnerability are real. The next week, I remember feeling alone as often I was alone in classrooms labeled gifted. Labeled with the highest I.Q. in the schools, I became a Guinea pig of sorts in honors classes, clue, and special classes where I was the only black boy. I was a current day popular minstrel show for school administration to show off, “Oooooh look at the black boy think and dance” while greeting strangers for the school.

     As the movie went on, tears welled in my eyes, I could not feel empathy because I am not a homosexual male with the triple burden of being black, American, and homosexual. I will never truly feel that conflict of just wanting your own family of blackness to love you. Moonlight establishes this burden so eloquently in this film because it makes you see for just an instance how dangerous being black and gay is. Yet still, I could feel myself trying to disconnect or at least look away from the screen during certain scenes. I started to hurt for Chiron “Little” as he struggled through poverty. The only difference between me and Little was that my mother and father loved me so much that I was never truly conscious of how poor we were until I was much older in high school noticing the difference of our clothes to our neighbors name brands.

     As Chiron grew up learning to adapt and blend, I understood my journey that took me on a road similar to the prodigal son paradigm in which I took to the streets for my gold that I thought I deserved. Vowing never to be poor again, I set out on a course to blend and adapt to become tougher to fill in with the boys in my high school and younger years in college. The deeds of my youth were many and I’m not proud of them or the consequences. I understand death too well from watching friend shot and killed to attempted and successful suicides.

     Finally Chiron “Black”, shows the love, forgiveness of self and others, redemption and knowledge that comes with finally realizing who and what you are. It was then I wept. Some of my best friends are gay. They are honest, loving and some of the best poets I know and yet I let society choose for me how I position them in relation to me in public. Today, I unpacked the embedded biases of my youth to grow up. Moonlight is a beautiful film. It does not question masculinity any more than being gay makes you less of a man. What Moonlight manages is to force you to come to terms with what your internal ideas of masculinity are.
​
     I am proud to say that I understand that I have some biases in me that need working on to allow me to mature as a man. There is a necessity in life to mature. We can not stay the same in boyish thinking that our masculinity is tied to our external sex organs alone. That we as a black male in this society must be tough robotic creatures to bare the brunt of pain without shedding a tear or admitting that we need love. We all deserve love. We all deserve to understand that someone else’s choices are theirs alone to have the right to choose to define their own masculinity. I stand firm in my belief that this movie is a must see for black males to move past gay bashing, homophobic jokes and quips, and to restore what true masculinity is and should be. Masculinity and the growing up of a black male should be based in the maturity to stand firm in who you are and not the fear of what others will perceive you to be while protecting the rights of all around us to do the exact same in their journey through this world.

​     To my gay friends, frat bothers, neighbors, sport stars, poets and all those who hide in plain sight out of fear: I truly hope the day comes when movies like this are no longer needed to cause reflection of these biases we hold as a nation. Until then grab a friend, be uncomfortable, and come out more male then when you went in not because you are transformed but because you are willing to transcend the limitations of what this society wants us to be: animals with no soul. We are strong. We are black. We need each other to fight this European hierarchy of oppression towards our black male image in media. We all are men and I will no longer use “gay” as a joke to prove my own masculinity when most gays are more male than some that won’t mature ever will become.
 
Sincerely,
A Black Man

The Negro Mother - Poem by Langston Hughes
 
Children, I come back today
To tell you a story of the long dark way
That I had to climb, that I had to know
In order that the race might live and grow.
Look at my face - dark as the night -
Yet shining like the sun with love's true light.
 
     Langston Hughes wrote a beautiful poem that is an ode to the African-American woman’s power, endurance and worth to their community. The tone is one of a woman’s burden and pride at having to be the strength for a nation while seeking her own freedom to express herself and be heard. Statistics show that there is a real bias in regards to initial coverage, continued reference, and the overall quality of media coverage in regards to the disappearances of black females. Keila Freeman has a family, children and friends that miss her. She deserves to have her voice heard and since she is not here, we as a community must speak! We must not let her voice go silent until she is found and returned back home. The silence of a nation to provide safety to our women speaks volumes to the value some put on black life especially
 
Why is this you ask?
 
Kristal Brent Zook, a professor at the Columbia University School of Journalism states in an article published in Essence magazine that, “Many consider women more sympathetic potential victims than men — and white women even more so, ‘Who’s appealing? Who’s sexy?’ she asked…The virginal, pure, blond princess is missing. It has a lot to do with class and sexuality and ageism, not just race.’” (1) These images that collide in the subconscious of America’s racist and dangerously dark history show in times of tragedy, conflict and uncertainty. Black women are portrayed by media to be strong, angry, and independent which is a direct difference from the "princess or damsel in distress" selling points of media. This causes a disconnect in how black women who are treated when in danger. Black women are Queens as well that deserve the same media urgency and coverage.
 

According to the FBI (January 1, 2014 - December 31, 2014):
 
“A total of 239,593 minorities were reported missing in the United States (out of 635,155 for all races).” (2) This number is startling and has risen in the last three years sense the initial statistics were published. People of color are missing and the reporting is slow and mislabeled to “runaway” or “endangered.” The causes are immense as to why evil exists and people to cause harm to others. By all accounts on public record from family and friends, Keila Freeman is a loving, kind, and good mother. They describe her as highly intelligent, family oriented, and a good citizen who consistently strived for excellence. She was also a victim of domestic violence. She was not a runaway. She was not just another missing person. She is a beautiful and giving mother who would not leave her children by themselves.
 
To be clear, “Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.” (3) This article will not give power to assumptions or indict the man that a lot in the community is holding guilty for Keila Freeman’s disappearance or recorded violence towards her well being. Urban Thoughts Poetry will not say his name but hers. Her name is Keila Freeman.
 
How Can You Help?
 
On Sunday, Feb. 26th at The Phoenix at 1015 S. Cooer St. a benefit concert will be held to honor the name of Keila Freeman. Doors will open at 6 p.m. and the show will start at 7 p.m. A $10 admission will be charged with proceeds going directly to Keila's children. Performances will be given by an all woman cast of TRILLOGY, Miss Joyce, Faith Moore, Poetic Flo, Paige Brown, Writeous Soul, and DJ Space Age. It is sponsored by Lyons Group Entertainment and One Sound Studios.  I personally vouch for the credibility of Lyons Group Entertainment to assure the funding for the children are handled correctly. LGE has a record of doing good business to assure professionalism and proper accounting-in delicate matters.
 
Why should you go?

1. We as a community have a responsibility to care for our own.
2. Imagine your mother missing. Would you stay home for that if people were trying to help?
3. The line-up is spectactularly star studded.
4. MzVivacious is a hilarious comedienne who has an all black improv troupe and creator of the Memphis Comic Award show.
5. Faith Moore is one of the best singers in Memphis and is captivating.
6. Poetic Flo is a dynamic speaker, leader and motivator who moves audiences with her linguistic and speech skills to implore messages of hope to uplift women and enlighten crowds.
7. Paige Brown has literally been featured in more shows than I could ever count because of her range and ability to provide a quality show.
8. Writeous Soul is an influential figure in the poetry community that has blossomed into a national competitor in the poetry slam community.
9. Miss Joyce is half-soul and half-pop diva that is a superstar in the making with how she controls the crowd with her vocals.
10. D.J. Space Age is one of the most popular D.J.s in the mid-south. She has performed with some of the hottest names in the business and spins with the best of them.
11. Last, It is for Keila Freeman. She is worthy of being honored, remembered and a call-to-action.

 
I urge you: THINKERS and supporters of Urban Thoughts Poetry and Speak Life Society to understand that we cannot be silent. I personally want to issue a challenge our BLACK MEN to love on these women correctly. I challenge EACH MAN on my timeline to buy a ticket for a woman and tell them you love them. To act on what I am asking, I will personally sponsor four tickets to the event for any woman that wishes to go. The only thing you have to do is go to my Urban Thoughts page, tag me and state why you need to go. Finish your statement with “I AM BEAUTIFUL #SayHerName #KeilaFreeman.” Preference will go to a mother and daughter who wish to attend.
 
Let’s save some young women today. Let’s show that we care about our women of color. Let’s be #JustBeautiful today. Keila Freeman is depending on us to be loud until they hear our cries and demands for Justice. We will not forget those who are missing from our communities. We will NOT forget. We will not wallow in sorrow for you to forget. We owe these beautiful women the act of REMEMBERING.
 
 
Remember to call local police and authorities immediately if a person is suspected to be missing. Do not allow others to tell you to wait. Keep speaking up for your loved ones! This community hears you. I hear you. Stay safe beautiful people. I love you all and for you this black man cries and hurts with you.
 
For more information on what to do if someone you know goes missing, please visit: http://blackandmissing.org/what-to-do-if-someone-goes-missing/ .
 
Citations in text and credit given to the following sources:
 
1. http://www.nbcnews.com/id/8233195/ns/us_news-life/t/media-under-fire-missing-persons-coverage/#.WK8WvRSb_ww
 
2.           http://www.blackandmissinginc.com/cdad/stats.htm
 
 
3. www.ncadv.org/learn-more/what-is-domestic-violencehttp://www.ncadv.org/learn-more/what-is-domestic-violence
 
If you know anything no matter how big or small a detail, please write or call into local authorities.
 
-Urban Thoughts
of Urban Thoughts Poetry, Inc.
CEO of Speak Life Society

Wow! I love teaching young people new things. Not to say that I'm old...just older. Today, one of my scholars wanted to know about blogging. She is a brilliant mind. Sometimes, I see my daughter's smile in hers. I try to find good things in each scholar. Some make it easy. Whitney and I sat for about 20 minutes and discussed blogging. I can't wait to see what she creates. 
-Urban Thoughts

​
Black Ally?
 
Definition:
 
Ally  - 1. to unite or be united, esp. formally, as by treaty, confederation, or marriage
2. (transitive; usually passive) to connect or be related, as through being similar or compatible
 
Black —1. word that describe or name the dark-skinned peoples of sub-Saharan Africa and their descendants—have had a complex social history in the United States.
 
 
Open Letter To Black Allies and Ally Term Users:

Dear Black ally term users,
 
I thank-you for your interest in being my ally; however, you cannot be my ally. My blackness is not a choice. To be my ally you would have to be married into my skin and the burdens that being black carries in this world. You do not have to struggle with identity or placement value in this world. The placement and underwritten privilege has been paralleled in the laws that you forefathers created in your favor from the birth of this nation. This society that was never developed with my prosperity in mind because I was still a slave while back door meetings were being held in the house that the picking of cotton was funding.
 
At the times of the birth of this nation, my people were slaves building the connectors, fabrics, and base needed to support a country whose stripes were being painfully embedded upon my back. Your empathy and sympathy that has been built out of sorrow, regret, or genuine acknowledgement is solely that, acts of kindness to recognize a viewpoint that will never be yours.
 
You have not been married into a life of blackness. How could you? To be so, would mean that you have woken black. To be so, is to be the teacher of history into your young as they grow into a coded world of multiple layers of rules that may or may not lead to their death according to those around you whose power has been predetermined due of a lack of melanin in their skin that defines their worth in this world as more than the value of a black boy. You do not understand the stress of being black in America on a daily basis. You have not seen the frustration of gentrification and economic classist development that keeps that haves- having and our schools being ripped from our communities. You can’t understand the horror of trying to teach your sons and daughters the fine line difference of moments between being humble saving your life and being resistant saving your dignity. We do not get to opt-in whether we teach our sons and daughters how to choose their deaths and stomach the residue of violence that has been hash-tagged? Your sweat and tears are needed. We welcome you to the resistance. We love your engagement but placement of the term ally is a value that is too high when you can never truly be an ally to my existence.
 
This chalk that defines the lines between black bodies and police is a reality of the circumstances of years of distrust that faces that gathered in creating this paradise of freedom never gathered with the original intent of the black in mind. So yes, we struggle against those that refuse to allow us equality of value and peace of mind. My beautifully bold blackness is not a choice of friendship. It is a magnificent bond of melanin bound to my core DNA that defines who I am to my community. This blackness can’t be allied with or to because you can never be black. My blackness not a pretty choice that can be labeled or given value by your parallel wants to make your self feel equal in a struggle that you have never truly endured in equal depths.

Sincerely,
One Beautiful Black Soul
#UrbanThoughtsPoetry

I flew in from out of town and had the pleasure of meeting about 50 young second grade scholars at KIPP Elementary in Memphis, TN. These kids are awesome and so bright. Our future are in great hands. Shout-out to Ms. J. Cole for reaching out and bringing me to her school. I am so happy to have met the winners of my Dr. Seuss Reading Challenge and to have given out over $200 dollars in cash and prizes to those lovely scholars on 3/7/2016! Congratulations KIPP Elementary. 

Be the CHAMPIONS that you are! I was truly touched by the critical thinking of the second grade scholars. They asked tough inquiry questions that were more in-depth than some interviews I have done for television. They were so thoughtful and curious. They reminded me why I write! I hope the best for them and their teachers. May they always have that spirit of wanting to be the best. Be encouraged young ones. I am so impressed by who you are and what you may become. May your road be full of joy. Find happiness in all that you do and listen to your teachers. They know things. Believe in yourself too. Raise your hand with confidence. Show your grit and tenacity for learning. I believe in you and am watching.

Love Always,
Urban